Not Again
by BlueFishes02
Summary: Emma's life is finally getting back on track, but a secret and a loss send it all tumbling back down. Only one person will be able to help her pick up the pieces, but she doesn't want to let him in. Not Again. Semma
1. Tears in Heaven

**Not Again**

**Summary: **It took a while, but Emma is finally getting it together after the shooting. She severed ties with Jay and his gang and found new friends. Everything was great until a secret is revealed, and someone she loved is taken from her. Now, a single person can help Emma put the pieces back together again, but only if she lets him in, and she can't. Not again.

**Chapter One: Tears in Heaven**

Emma Nelson hurried down the front steps of Degrassi Community School, breathing in the crisp, clean November air. A gust of chilly wind blew orange and brown leaves across the sidewalk as it was crossed by the speeding beauty, who finally came to a stop in front of a classic black Mustang. She climbed inside and was greeted with rock music blasted from the expensive sound system.

"Hey, Harley," The driver shot her friend a girlish, dimpled smile as she decreased the volume of the Rolling Stones by a few decibels.

"Hey, Em. How was the hell hole they call school?" She asked, pushing a lock of her wavy chestnut hair out of her big baby blues. As hard as she tried, Emma could never decide whether Harley spent three hours a day on her perfectly disarrayed style, or if she just rolled out of bed.

"It wasn't horrible. You would've had a great time. Paige and Manny got in another cat fight," The blonde informed her friend.

Winifred Harley Law was The Wilson Hotel's only full-time resident. She had spent most of her life with her parents, but when her mom died when she was thirteen, she came to stay with her grandmother, Max, in Manhattan. At the end of last school year, Max's beau, Harold, offered to take Max on a one year, all expense paid world tour. Harley had insisted that Max go, and they formulated a plan that Harley would crash at The Wilson and attend Degrassi until she came back.

That was only because Max's niece, Kate Isaacs, lived on Degrassi Street and offered to keep tabs on the free-spirited sixteen year old. Emma and Harley had met at the Kerwin-Isaacs two weeks into summer, when Emma had given into her boredom and stooped to hanging out with Toby. After a long discussion about leather (which Harley loved and Emma hated), they went shopping and quickly found themselves inseparable.

"Crap! I always miss them," Harley pouted, pulling up to a red light.

"I know. If you came to school more often..." Emma suggested with a grin.

"Yeah, yeah. What are you, a truancy officer?" Harley inquired moodily, easing the car into Emma's driveway.

Emma giggled. "Oh, yeah, you know it. I am _so _glad it's Friday. No school for three days! I love long weekends."

As she climbed out of the sports car, she took a deep breath. It wasn't that she hated school, it was that she dreaded going each day. Sympathetic stares because of the shooting, haughty glares from girls because of the 'Jay Issue,' and demeaning gazes from guys because of the 'Jay Issue,' weren't very fun. It felt like someone was _always_ watching her, but she was kind of used to it by now.

Thankfully, everything was going according to plan. Jimmy's physical therapy was going wonderfully, and the doctors were predicting that he would be walking again soon. Toby was getting back into the swing of things, and had even found a new crush in Harley (with whom he had no chance, but still).

Things were okay at home, too. Her mother was good. She had been acting a little strange lately, but the combined stress of finding out about the 'Jay Issue,' paying off the med bills, and watching Jack grow up so fast wasn't easy to deal with. Jack was three now, and he was still adorable. Emma was teaching him his ABC's. Snake was fine. He had been a little distant, and his new medicine made him tired easily, but he was enjoying life. It was all going well.

"Emma? I'm not barging into your house without you, chickie," Harley called, jostling Emma from her thoughts.

"Oh, sorry," She apologized, jogging up the walkway and turning the doorknob. "Weird. It's locked."

"Your mom probably went somewhere and left you a note," Harley guessed. Emma shrugged, grabbing the emergency key and unlocking the door.

"Mom? Snake? Anyone here?" She shouted. "They should be here. Snake's only working on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays. Mr. O does Wednesday and Friday, so he isn't at work. Mom's Friday shift at the salon ends at two."

"No note on the fridge," Harley said, carrying two cans of Mountain Dew.

"Thanks," Emma returned, taking one. A blinking light on the answering machine caught her eye. "Someone called!"

"One new message," The automated voice informed them.

"Emma?" Spikes voice came through the speaker, muddled by the static of her cell phone. "Em, it's mom. Have Harley bring you to the hospital as soon as you get this. We need to talk. First floor, waiting room two, okay?"

Emma blanched. "Waiting room two? That's in ICU."

"The emergency room? Come on, let's go," Harley ordered, grabbing Emma, who was frozen in shock, by the arm and pulling her through the door.

The car ride was silent. Emma was sick with panic, and Harley was worried about her. After fifteen minutes of silence, Harley put the car in park and they raced to the waiting room. Emma spotted her mother immediately, sitting in a chair with her head in her hands. Caitlin was rubbing her back, Joey was seated beside his fiancé, and a few of her other friends were seated around the room.

"Mom?" Emma questioned, coming to a halt in front of the dark haired woman. Harley stood at the plate glass doors, watching carefully as she recognized her daughter.

"Hm? Oh, Em!" Spike exclaimed, jumping up.

"What's going on?" Emma asked hastily. Spike took an unsteady breath, her hand shaking as she took Emma's in hers.

"Em... I-it's Snake. H-he... the doctors think... th-that i-it's time..." She stumbled through her words, her bloodshot eyes filling with unshed tears.

"What! Why? What happened! He was fine!" Emma protested.

"H-he... didn't want you to worry, Em," Spike told her, eyes downcast.

"What?" Emma whispered faintly, the weight of her mother's words knocking the wind out of her. Then the confusion and anger surfaced. "But... we said no secrets! Mom, you said that you would tell me! You said he was fine!"

"I know, I know, honey! But... you were going through so much-" Spike explained.

"I don't _care_! I should have known!" Emma insisted.

Spike sighed, but was silent. Taking a deep, calming breath, Emma continued. "How bad is it?"

"Th-the cancer... the chemotherapy caused most of the cells in his blood to deteriorate. But- it wasn't all gone, like they thought. The chemo just didn't catch everything," Spike explained.

Emma was at a loss. They had done everything that they could to stop the leukemia, but it hadn't helped. "How is he?"

Spike smiled sorrowfully. "Comfortable. They gave him pain killers. It's all they can do."

"H-how long?" Emma spoke softly, her throat constricting as reality set in.

"Tonight, maybe tomorrow. No more than three days," Spike said, her voice holding a tone of finality.

_Three days... Three days wasn't so great now_, Emma realized as Harley pulled her into a comforting hug.

**Eight O'clock**

The room was deathly silent as Emma stood, slowly strolling to the double doors leading to the ER. As Harley watched somberly from her plastic chair in the corner, she thought Emma looked as pale as the soft cream of the walls. She was going to say her goodbyes.

Emma took in the sterile scent of bleach, which seemed even more harsh in the pale lighting of the Intensive Care Unit. The nurse she was following slowed her brisk pace when she realized Emma wasn't up for her upbeat tempo, and showed her through the door of Room 163.

Flowers littered the room, looking out of place with the huge machines. Snake lay in the white sheets, tubes and wires monitoring his every breath. He looked even paler than he had last night, before bed, and Emma wondered why she hadn't noticed that he hadn't ever stopped losing weight. How could she have been so careless?

Taking another deep breath, she walked in, and seated herself on the small stool next to his cold metal bed. Taking his hand, she whispered, "Snake?"

No answer. "D-Dad?" Her voice shook. He looked up.

"Hey, Em!" He tried to exclaim cheerfully. She gave him a small smile in spite of their situation.

"Hey," She said quietly.

"How was school?" He inquired weakly.

"I... I don't remember," She shrugged sadly.

He chuckled, then coughed. "You have to pay attention."

"I will," She said.

"And watch out for your mother," He continued. She nodded, looking down.

"And Jack," He added.

Emma took a deep breath, looking up at him with tear filled, honeyed eyes. "I will."

"I know you will," He agreed. "And find someone to watch out for you, too."

She smirked as a tear leaked from the corner of her eye. "I can take care of myself," She said, mocking defiance.

"Sure you can," He rolled his eyes tiredly. He was silent for a moment, then spoke. "It was fun while it lasted."

Emma wiped more tears away, then nodded. "It was."

Snake took a shaky breath, then winced in pain. "I-I think I should see your mother now. And Jack, is he here?"

Emma nodded, understanding. She squeezed his hand, then stood, backing away slowly. "D-Dad?"

He looked up at her questioningly. "I-I love you, Dad."

"I love you, too, Emma."

She hurried out to her mother, and sent the rest of her family in. Snake died at eight forty-nine that night.

_Authors Note: Wow! Okay, first chapter done. I swear the rest won't be that depressing. I think it was too much, though, don't you? Please read and review! Please!_


	2. Numb

1**Not Again**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Degrassi: The Next Generation, the actors, the sets, or anything else affiliated with the show. I assume that they belong to Alliance Atlantis or Epitome Pictures or something. I _do_ Harley, and if you steal her, I will be angry.

**Chapter Two: Numb**

"Em? Emma? Em, wake up..." Harley shook her friend gently, trying to jostle the bedraggled girl from her deep sleep. The blonde had made arrangement after arrangement with the funeral home and insurance company for the past two days, and had finally passed out in a dead slumber nine hours ago.

"What? What's going on?" Emma whined. "Oh my God, Snake..."

Harley sighed as she watched the pain blink through her friend's eyes. She remembered the quick flashes of anguish when she had thought of her mother, even though she was walking around like an empty shell after her death. She recognized the same symptoms in the blonde girl on the bed. Perky, opinionated Emma Nelson was numb.

"You okay?" She asked gently. Emma took a deep, unsteady breath and nodded.

"Yeah. What's going on?" She inquired, quickly changing the subject.

"Visitation in two hours. I figured you'd want to get ready," Harley suggested.

"Probably should," Emma agreed, forcing her tone to be light-hearted.

"Okay. I'm going to go change Jack-Jack's clothes," Harley explained, standing up from her kneeling position beside Emma's bed.

"Alright," Emma nodded quietly, her voice void of emotion. Harley winced.

As Harley began to climb the stairs, she turned and looked at her friend. "Em?"

"Hm?" The blonde questioned, barely looking up and sounding uninterested. Hundreds of comforting words and inquiring questions flew through Harley's mind, the same that she had heard when her mother had passed. She couldn't find one that was appropriate... nothing that would make any difference. Emma knew she was there, and right now all she wanted was to be alone. Harley remembered the feeling.

"Never mind," Harley said. Emma looked her straight in the eye and nodded. Nothing needed to be said.

-X-

Emma watched as Harley closed the door. Harley was trying so hard to help her get through this, and Emma felt a stab of guilt for blowing her off. No matter how hard Harley worked to make things better, it wouldn't help. Emma was grateful to have her around, but she had to get through Snake's death alone. She would grieve when she was ready, no sooner and no later.

Sighing heavily, she hauled her tired body off the bed. After spending most of the night lying awake and feeling crappier than crap, she didn't really see the point in beautifying herself for a funeral home. She needed something to do, though, and her mother would appreciate it if her children looked good. It was a nice gesture.

Emma went through her daily routine of straightening her hair and applying her makeup, then chose a black miniskirt and a fitted, but modest, V-neck sweater for the visitation. She was moving like an old woman, and time was passing slower than Christmas. When she was finished, she ambled up the stairs for a snack before they left.

When she reached the kitchen, the doorbell rang. Emma sighed in irritation. She wasn't really up for visitors at the moment. "Harley, can you get the door?"

No answer. "Harley? Are you here?" A note on the fridge caught her eye. Harley's perfect script read:

_Em,_

_Jack-Jack and I have gone ahead to the funeral home to help set up. Craig said he would be more then happy to give you a ride, but call if you want me to pick you up. I don't mind. See you at seven._

_H_

"Harleyyy..." Emma groaned. The bell rang again. "Hang on a minute!"

She hurried across the living room barefoot, sidestepping Jack's toys. Unlocking the deadbolt, she pulled the front door open, and her jaw dropped.

Sean Cameron was leaning against the porch railing, his muscular, tan arms on either side of his body. His blue eyes widened as she stared at him, her mind blanking in shock.

"Emma..." He sighed, running a hand through his dirty blonde hair.

She stood stock-still, trying to regain the use of her limbs. She should have known he would come as soon as he'd heard...

"Em... Babe, you're crying..." He said, at a loss.

She blinked as she realized tears were slowly falling down her cheeks. She took a deep, gasping breath, and knew she was too far gone to stop. Tears poured from her eyes as the events of the past few days flashed through her mind. Sean stood up, taking a hesitant step toward her, and she flew into his arms.

"I'm sorry, Emma. So sorry," He whispered as he picked her up and carried her inside, closing the door behind them.

-X-

Sean Cameron wrapped his arms around his ex-girlfriend's trembling body, thrown by the horrible situation she was in. Emma was a good person. Why did everything always happen to her?

Of course, he'd done his fair share at making her life hell. But this... this was beyond anything he would even wish on his worst enemy. Finally finding a father, a good one at that, then having him ripped away?

"Em?"

"Hm?" She asked from his shoulder.

"Why didn't you tell me that he'd gotten worse?" Sean inquired before he could stop himself. She fidgeted in his lap, where she had been resting for the past few minutes, crying herself out.

"I-I didn't know..." She moaned miserably. "I would have called, I swear! I-"

"Shh... Calm down! It's fine, Em. I was just curious..." He soothed. "Do you feel better?"

"No... not really..." She declared, laying her head back on his shoulder. "But... I'm glad you're here."

He grinned softly, in spite of himself. "I wouldn't miss it."

"I've missed you..." She whispered. "Everyone has."

"I don't know about all that..." He said, joking. She sniffed, rolling her eyes. "But I've missed you."

She snuggled into him, causing a small chuckle to escape from Sean. "Can I just stay here? No more sympathetic people... Just you and me and double cheese and cable?"

She sounded so... innocent and naive. He pulled her closer to him, resting his head on top of hers. "We'll see."

Their perfect moment was interrupted by the front door opening.

_Okay, short and still rather depressing chapter. DON'T WORRY, though, happiness will come in plenty soon! Please keep reading! And thank you, thank you, thank you for reviewing. I was all happy and stuff!_


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